Chapter 1: A Reverie in Retrospect

This chapter delves into the inner world of Haleema, a character living in deep sorrow and isolation. The narrative is filled with fragments of her memories and her present despair, expressed through her introspective thoughts and a reverie. Haleema's grief stems from a significant personal loss—the disappearance of her loved one, Imran—which has left her in a state of emotional paralysis.

The chapter opens with a series of disjointed images—snow, dust, voices, and other everyday objects—symbolizing Haleema's fragmented state of mind. Her waking moments are filled with a sense of dread, where she recites words of an Imam about suffering and uncertainty, hating her existence and wishing for death. Haleema is physically and emotionally exhausted, living in a constant cycle of pain, symbolized by her hatred for the moon, which reminds her of the moment Imran was taken away. The moon's cold and indifferent glow mirrors her sense of abandonment and helplessness.

Sitting by her kitchen window in the moonlit night, Haleema reflects on her life, her loss, and her yearning for the happier times when her family was together. The absence of power in her neighborhood, Natipora, mirrors the darkness in her life. Her routine interactions with everyday objects, such as cooking collard greens and searching for a wooden ladle, are filled with nostalgia, as they remind her of better times with her family.

As night deepens, the atmosphere becomes more oppressive, with darkness enveloping everything around her. Haleema takes medication to ease her pain but finds little solace. Her loneliness becomes more acute as she stares at the frayed edges of her dupatta and keeps a watchful eye on her wooden gate, as if waiting for something or someone who will never return. In her solitude, she slips into a surreal reverie, her thoughts drifting toward sorrowful memories of her past.

Haleema's emotions are encapsulated in a poetic refrain that she murmurs to herself: "The colour of everything is sorrow...the colour of my breath is sorrow." This reflects the overwhelming grief that permeates every aspect of her life, from her memories to her surroundings. The chapter concludes with a sense of stillness and desolation, symbolized by the image of Ab Jaan's rusty bicycle, standing upright against a tin shed, a silent witness to Haleema's pain and the passage of time. In this chapter, the theme of loss and the haunting presence of memories are central, with Haleema's sorrow coloring her entire world. The narrative style, rich in symbolic imagery, emphasizes her isolation and emotional turmoil.